areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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