your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
