she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
