Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
wow bdsm is so cute
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
