help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
even my farts smell like vagina
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am available for nakedness
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
