Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
