so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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