Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
