im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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