Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When are your genitals available?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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