It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
