i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
