My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
