Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
