I'm going to jail i love you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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