There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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