I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
