The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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