Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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