I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
