I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
