I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
