so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
