I must be too annoying 4 u.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
