Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
