This is not my ceiling
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
