this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
