Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
