the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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