They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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