We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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