also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i've created a new STD.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
