It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
