I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
