Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
