Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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