I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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