I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
