You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
