Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
