Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
