So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
