omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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