I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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