I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
