Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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