Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
