hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
