she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just had sex bonerless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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