I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
