sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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