Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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